Absent...

I have felt out of sorts this summer. I have found myself saying things like...typically I, or usually I, or last year I...and this summer all of the typical, usual, and past practices have flown out of the window. I started the 1st week of school without doing any school shopping prior to the first day. I didn't buy the boys new shoes or clothes and I had to get the supply list off the school site and found myself at Target the Sunday night before school. I missed Cam's open house because I was struggling childcare wise the last week of summer and I found myself working late and through lunch trying to make up time. I didn't even have a chance to grocery shop so I bought the school breakfast and lunch for the boys all week. And I haven't even been in my favorite spot at the computer after the day is done like I usually do. The coffee mug in this shot was from Monday's first day of school post and it sat here for 3 days...But with a 3 day weekend I plan to change the trend by getting the closets cleaned (something I typically do before school) Checking for things that are too old, or too small, and finding the few things that will work the first few months of school. Corey's class always looks for donated t-shirts and clothing to make it through so I will find a few of those and then I plan to go out and do the shopping I avoided or didn't have time for the last couple of weeks. It doesn't sound like a very exciting way to spend Labor Day weekend. But if I can get the things on my list done it will make for a very relaxing day off on Monday. And hopefully a much smoother and more organized week next week.

Cautiously Optimistic...

Well the bus has been late every morning...but aside from that I am cautiously optimistic about this year. Corey's new after school has both typical and special needs students. So for the 1st time in many years Cam and Corey will be able to attend the same place. The idea of cutting my commute is very appealing. And Mr. Corey loves having me pick him up in the afternoon again. For the past 3 years V has picked him up from after school and then 3 nights a week I pick him up from her house. He has been clingy or maybe I am being unfair he wants to be with me, he wants to be home more. But after the ankle I have been sending him away more...using my services more. If things work out with the new after school that will change. The smile you see has been a typical expression for him lately. He practically runs from V's house...packing up whenever he hears the phone or the doorbell. If I pick him up everyday overnights with V will become even more difficult to manage. He doesn't want to spend the night...he wants to come home. Not an unfair request really and one I hope I am able to fulfill for him without winding up in a cast :)

The First Day of School...

Well I think I have been "off line" for the longest period of time ever the past couple of weeks. It wasn't because I didn't have anything to write about. Moreover it was the same stuff and as much as I say I get tired of reading my whining it is only a small percentage of how much I really do hate to read my own whining. And frankly I have been very busy.

1st-Corey's new daycare is going to be like others in the past...not a traditional after school but one that keeps special hours. This will mean extra days around the holidays that a traditional daycare would cover his will not, the same will hold true for spring break, and also summer break. So last week his new daycare was closed. It would have been nice if I had known about it before Friday that I needed childcare for the following week but, sigh what are you going to do? So I scrambled with my hours...V and I took turns working half days and switched off trying to minimize our time off as much as possible.

2nd-Corey has become VERY clingy. He has always preferred to be with me and it took a few years for him to be comfortable with overnights with V. But since his return this summer he has been impossible in that regard. I thought he would need my reassurance that we were back on schedule. And I tried to keep him with me while still making it clear that he would spend a couple of nights a week with V. But in Corey's mind now staying with V means not coming home for 3 months and he is not having that.

3rd-Apathetic...Every year I try to minimize Corey's reaction to change. I know what he is going to do. He does it every year and every year I go through the same woes and it doesn't seem to matter how much work I put into it, the end result is always the same. Every year without fail I get to the 1st day of school without reliable after school so I have to give transportation my address until I can secure after school, this never happens until 2 or 3 days in and it takes transportation 2 to 3 days to make the change. So the 1st week I am always running around either leaving work early or asking V to. Every year I meet with the teacher I give them the run down...the dos and don't s the things that I know will set the tone for the entire year. So this year was no exception I went in to meet with his new teacher. I had to insist because I kept getting the run around on when it would be a good time to stop by. You see this guy "knows" how to handle things and the last thing he needs is some over protective mom coming down to tell him anything...sigh. So I get down there Friday afternoon and he has already left. Now most would have stopped here...they would have stopped after 3 phone calls, after a week and a half of running all over town with childcare issues and missing work...hell an entire summer of it really. They would have said fine and left it alone. And at 1st I did say fine. I met S for lunch at the mall and I took Cam to the movies for the last day of summer. I knew they would call me though...I knew it would be right after lunch and I knew Corey would suffer because they didn't know what was up so yeah by last night the over protectiveness had taken over again. And I started a journal...another thing I wind up doing every year. And I put the 8 things you need to know about Corey to have a successful 1st quarter. I sent a couple of things I knew would work as rewards if a situation got out of hand and I gave them my cell number and V's. I told them I would be happy to meet with them at any time. Well about 1:30 I got the call I knew I would get from the school. It was the school psychologist..."Corey was great this morning but after lunch he became very aggressive" ...Me "did you read the note I put in his book bag" the psychologist "you left a note?" Me "yes it's in a green composition notebook with please read me in big black block letters" So she asks me to hold on and then comes back with a very subdued voice.

Yep just about everything that happened I had warned them about in the journal. UGH! UGH! UGH!!!! Why do I even bother? Why not just accept that I will be without childcare the 1st day of school, the teacher is going to call me, and I am going to be out of PTO before Thanksgiving and unable to take off around the Christmas Holiday? I mean when am I going to learn?

But I should add as a footnote...Corey did catch the bus this morning without incident (wonderful especially for the 1st day)...Cam when asked what grade he was in by V told her I am in the 5th...it took me 5 years but I finally made it ;) And V covered for me by switching her hours so she will be able to meet Corey's bus this week...Not bad really just the regular annoying stuff. And the summer is officially over...And better still I survived...And I am still employed even ;)

Music Meme...

I unashamedly stole this from Serenity...

Soundtrack: A music meme.
What's your ringtone? I attach songs to people so I have different ringtones. The ones that play the most are: Crazy by Seal, Fear by Sarah McLachlan, and Touch by Omarion. Any guesses who those ringtones represent?
What's the most incongruous song on your mp3 player? Ok, I have posted in the past about being a throwback. This answer will prove that statement to be true. I don't own a MP3 player :)
What is the one genre of music you cannot stand? I love music and I can stand most anything for awhile. But I have to admit the Old Country station, the one that plays Hank Williams and such is a bit more than I can handle. I will listen to the country pop of today though Leann Ryhmes or Shania Twain.
What's your desert island disc? Hmm this is a tough one, I guess it would be a tie between Sheryl Crow's "The Very Best" or Prince's "Sign of the Times"
What's your secret musical weakness? Oh brother well I have pretty strange taste in music or lack of taste depending on your point of view. I do love hardcore rap you know a little DMX or Ice Cube back in the day...I am gonna run up on you and flat blast both of you kind of music ;) And I find myself listening to show tunes more than I would like to admit, I have the broadway station programmed, it's #5 if you are wondering.
Do you play a musical instrument? No, and it is a huge regret of mine. I wanted to learn to play the cello but my mom couldn't afford to purchase or rent the instrument when I was in school.
Best makeout song, ever: A song to make out to? Well I have to admit I think of Madonna's Bedtime Stories when my sex dreams have music in the background or Terence Trent Darby's "Sign Your Name".
Best driving song: Running Down A Dream by Tom Petty oh and I also love Call Me by Al Green when I am driving.
One song that you think everyone should read the lyrics of: Another Day in Paradise by Phil Collins.
Is downloading music for free a sin? Not if you are getting something you really couldn't find otherwise, obscure stuff, or if you go buy the album after you d/l. I can justify all night. This answer was stolen verbatim from Serenity because I think the same thing so maybe we both can justify all night.
Do you karaoke? Hell no. Again stolen from Serenity karaoke is just wrong...on so many levels.
One musician you would happily whore yourself to: This is a tough one, Lenny Kravitz is a good choice but he is a little too short for my taste. David Banner has that around the way scruffiness I like but I guess LL Cool J is still the guy for me.
First album you ever bought: Off the Wall by Michael Jackson and I was 9 also.
Most recent album you bought: I haven't bought anything new in awhile most of the CDs I have been buying are greatest hits..I guess Jamie Foxx's Unpredictable was the last "new" CD I bought.
Favorite Beatles song (oh come on, everyone has one): I have to pick just one? Hmm, My Life I guess.
One song that represents your teenage years: Control by Janet Jackson
One song that represents your 20s: Don't Speak by No Doubt
One song that represents where you are right now: I've Got A Life by Annie Lennox
One song that represents your blog: If it Makes You Happy by Sheryl Crow

Where did the time go?

Last night Cam crawled in behind me and said he was just going to "hang out" for a few minutes. Yeah right this is code for..."hey mom I am going to sleep in here with you :)" But the days of Cam squeezing behind me without a problem are over. As you can see he takes up the entire top half of the bed. When did he get so tall?

This morning I woke up fairly early trying to beat the heat of the day and the boys waking up so I could get a few things done. But Corey has a sense of when I am up and it didn't take 3 minutes for him to follow me into the kitchen. When I was looking at him this morning with the shadow of his beard coming back I couldn't help but think...where in the world did the time go? It's hard to believe Corey will be 16 in a couple of months, standing there bigger than me. Or that Cam is too big to fit behind me in my queen sized bed anymore, time does fly doesn't it?

HNT-37

Heat wave...what an awful predicament to be in when the air conditioner is on the fritz. It was 104 degrees today, insane when you think about it. The 43% humidity didn't help things. But what made it worse? Oh it's 90 degrees now at 10 pm...Sigh summers in the south, got to love em. Anyway I am spending a lot of time in my underwear these days...Hey they could pass for a bathing suit right?

Happy HNT.

Bitching and Moaning...

It began first thing this morning…our bitch session.
(9:01:44 AM) Marguaritte: and I'm like "I don't care, I need info, supply it, please"
(9:02:21 AM) Marguaritte: and she just can't seem to understand that it doesn't matter is the new ones she wanted to promote were up or not, I NEED INFO FOR THE NEWSLETTER TODAY
(9:03:38 AM) Marguaritte: J is only going to be here today and I need the info so I can get the newsletter approved
(9:03:55 AM) Marguaritte: I asked for it over a week ago, told her I needed it by the end of the day yesterday
(9:04:06 AM) Marguaritte: of course, she didn't send it yesterday
(9:05:51 AM) cah1470: ugh
(9:06:14 AM) cah1470: well...Corey left a surprise in all our drinks last night (again)
(9:06:20 AM) Marguaritte: ugh
(9:06:38 AM) cah1470: Cameron left a trail of dog food yesterday morning so we had a mountain of ants to greet us yesterday
(9:06:38 AM) Marguaritte: you said it right the first time
(9:07:02 AM) cah1470: and my compressor has died on my a/c so it was about 100 degrees in the house
(9:07:24 AM) Marguaritte: :(
(9:08:22 AM) cah1470: and after 3 hours of fans and open windows I was able to get the house down to a balmy 92 degrees
(9:08:29 AM) cah1470: so we could sleep around 1:30
(9:08:30 AM) Marguaritte: I'm sorry
(9:08:36 AM) Marguaritte: I know how that sucks
(9:08:45 AM) cah1470: and all I kept thinking is was I Attila the Hun in my past life or something?
(9:08:58 AM) Marguaritte: I fell asleep in my bed in the heat, so I know
(9:09:01 AM) Marguaritte: XD
(9:09:06 AM) cah1470: it's not enough to be poor? It’s not enough to have Corey? I have to work to roast and have vomit in my tea?
(9:09:15 AM) cah1470: I think I am a relatively nice person
(9:09:18 AM) Marguaritte: sigh, I'm sorry
(9:09:23 AM) Marguaritte: you are!
(9:09:26 AM) cah1470: it would be nice if my days could reflect this just every once in awhile
(9:09:33 AM) Marguaritte: yeah, I know
(9:09:57 AM) cah1470: and I can feel myself losing my resolve
(9:10:14 AM) cah1470: my look on the bright side attitude is fading
(9:10:41 AM) Marguaritte: I understand
(9:10:42 AM) Marguaritte: I'm sorry
(9:10:49 AM) cah1470: oh and guess who greeted me this morning
(9:10:53 AM) cah1470: to add insult to injury?
(9:10:58 AM) Marguaritte: who?
(9:11:00 AM) cah1470: Alex the stalker
(9:11:12 AM) Marguaritte: oh god, not him again
(9:11:13 AM) cah1470: (8:55:35 AM) alex_marwand: after a long time iam saying just hello to you
(9:11:31 AM) cah1470: which only means even though I asked him several times to go away he is just lurking
(9:11:35 AM) Marguaritte: yikes
(9:11:38 AM) cah1470: probably reading every single thing I post
(9:11:44 AM) cah1470: and I am just so over that whole scene
(9:11:44 AM) Marguaritte: :(
(9:12:21 AM) cah1470: I am at a stage where I need something fun and uncomplicated to happen
(9:12:22 AM) Marguaritte: yes
(9:12:31 AM) cah1470: it's a good thing the Lion King is on Friday
(9:12:36 AM) cah1470: I can really use the outing
(9:12:36 AM) Marguaritte: :)
(9:12:45 AM) Marguaritte: yeah, sounds like
(9:12:53 AM) Marguaritte: and goddamnit, I hate Barracuda
(9:12:57 AM) cah1470: :)
(9:13:00 AM) Marguaritte: it's impossible to carry on 2 conversations
(9:13:09 AM) cah1470: well you don't see me using it
(9:13:14 AM) Marguaritte: it keeps flipping me b/t you and Katie
(9:13:14 AM) cah1470: I would use meebo 1st
(9:13:22 AM) Marguaritte: so she's getting half of the comments meant for you
(9:13:54 AM) Marguaritte: because you can't stop it from moving you to the other conversation when someone replies
(9:14:08 AM) cah1470: oh I hate that
(9:14:13 AM) Marguaritte: yeah
(9:14:14 AM) cah1470: yahoo does that to me at home
(9:14:26 AM) Marguaritte: I never use yahoo at home
(9:14:27 AM) cah1470: when I am chatting with D and MNG at the same time things can get interesting
(9:14:35 AM) Marguaritte: hehehehe
(9:15:11 AM) cah1470: it takes more skill than I have to make sure my responses go to the right person 100% of the time
(9:15:16 AM) cah1470: which is why I am invisible
(9:15:20 AM) cah1470: almost always
(9:15:28 AM) Marguaritte: hehehehe
(9:17:10 AM) cah1470: oh and now I am going home
(9:17:20 AM) Marguaritte: oh?
(9:17:22 AM) cah1470: because I forgot to check my checking account yesterday
(9:17:32 AM) cah1470: and I had a gas charge I forgot about
(9:17:42 AM) cah1470: and so I was $7 short on my account
(9:17:50 AM) Marguaritte: :(
(9:17:51 AM) cah1470: money I have in my savings by the way
(9:17:58 AM) cah1470: so now I have $105 in fees
(9:18:01 AM) cah1470: for a gas charge
(9:18:05 AM) cah1470: a pizza charge
(9:18:05 AM) Marguaritte: yikes
(9:18:24 AM) cah1470: and $18.95 at value city
(9:18:34 AM) Marguaritte: I’m sorry
(9:18:46 AM) cah1470: so I am $112.77 in the red
(9:18:53 AM) cah1470: and $105 of it is fees
(9:18:59 AM) cah1470: how can I win like that?
(9:19:06 AM) cah1470: and a broken air conditioner
(9:19:19 AM) cah1470: and vomit in tea
(9:19:26 AM) cah1470: and a wrecked car
(9:19:34 AM) cah1470: and I want to kill myself right now
(9:19:37 AM) cah1470: I honestly do
(9:19:39 AM) Marguaritte: please don't
(9:19:43 AM) Marguaritte: oh, I know that feeling
(9:19:46 AM) Marguaritte: but please don't
(9:20:15 AM) cah1470: oh and Corey attacked one of the teachers yesterday
(9:20:19 AM) cah1470: scratched up her arms
(9:20:23 AM) cah1470: I forgot to add that :)
(9:21:38 AM) cah1470: and it's because I am not on my game
(9:21:50 AM) cah1470: 5 years ago I would never have left my checking account unattended
(9:22:13 AM) cah1470: I was home I have a computer there is really no excuse for me to not have checked last night and moved money from my savings account if I needed to
(9:22:23 AM) cah1470: but I am just so tired of just about everything
(9:22:26 AM) cah1470: I didn't want to move
(9:22:28 AM) cah1470: it was hot
(9:22:42 AM) cah1470: I kept calling Corey back because he kept going towards the kitchen
(9:23:22 AM) cah1470: I knew what he wanted to do and I knew no matter how many times I called him back, no matter how many times I caught him before he went down there, he only needed one time to do it
(9:23:32 AM) cah1470: and of course sooner or later he was going to get his chance
(9:23:50 AM) cah1470: and it was just too frustrating I didn't log on to the computer...I didn't even turn my television on
(9:24:13 AM) Marguaritte: I'm so sorry
(9:24:24 AM) cah1470: I just laid in my bed and told Corey to go back every time I saw him pass me until I finally fell asleep and of course when I woke up at 3:00
(9:24:27 AM) cah1470: guess where he was?
(9:24:22 AM) Marguaritte: I was going to walk over there and give you a hug
(9:24:27 AM) Marguaritte: but my card key isn't working
(9:24:39 AM) cah1470: no don't I am too messy for visitors
(9:24:42 AM) Marguaritte: the kitchen?
(9:24:43 AM) Marguaritte: LOL
(9:24:45 AM) cah1470: yep
(9:24:56 AM) cah1470: and I just want to kick something you know?
(9:25:03 AM) cah1470: I work so hard and it doesn't matter
(9:25:14 AM) Marguaritte: well, it doesn't matter because my key wouldn't let me in traffic and it wouldn't let me back in this building either, Josh had to let me in
(9:25:15 AM) Marguaritte: yes, I do
(9:25:16 AM) cah1470: it only takes one night when I don't feel like checking my account
(9:25:31 AM) Marguaritte: I often want to kick something or kill myself
(9:25:38 AM) cah1470: or one moment when I close my eyes and what I am trying to avoid is going to happen
(9:26:24 AM) Marguaritte: yeah
(9:26:38 AM) Marguaritte: I do understand
(9:26:56 AM) cah1470: and I am slipping I can't even keep up with it like I used to
(9:27:10 AM) cah1470: Cameron destroyed the handles last year so I can't lock the refrigerator anymore
(9:27:31 AM) cah1470: I figured out how to lock the glass doors so Corey can't escape so we are right back to the refrigerator dramas again
(9:27:45 AM) cah1470: 15 years of one horrible thing I can't control or another
(9:27:50 AM) cah1470: and I am so weary of it
(9:27:51 AM) cah1470: all of it
(9:27:59 AM) Marguaritte: I know, I know
(9:30:41 AM) cah1470: the whole account thing is because the daycare has had trouble with a few of the parents not paying tuition on time
(9:31:07 AM) cah1470: so even though Cam has been going there for almost 4 years and I have always paid on time they would no longer allow me to pay every 2 weeks
(9:31:20 AM) cah1470: I used to pay for the current week and the following week each time I got paid
(9:31:47 AM) cah1470: but now I have to pay the Monday of the current week and no later so I had to pay them $495 to get cam 2 weeks ahead
(9:31:54 AM) cah1470: in addition to my mortgage
(9:32:16 AM) cah1470: so now I am 117 dollars in the rear with no a/c and I honestly am at the end of the line
(9:32:30 AM) cah1470: and bitching and moaning which I hate to do
(9:32:39 AM) cah1470: I just hate whining or feeling like whining
(9:32:42 AM) cah1470: it doesn't serve anything
(9:38:44 AM) Marguaritte: but sometimes you need to do it
(9:38:51 AM) cah1470: yeah I guess
(9:38:54 AM) cah1470: but I hate it
(9:39:24 AM) Marguaritte: I could probably float you a little money if it would help
(9:39:47 AM) cah1470: no don't do that a money hole only grows bigger when you borrow
(9:39:56 AM) cah1470: I appreciate it but I will just have to suffer through
(9:40:01 AM) Marguaritte: I know, I'm just saying
(9:40:08 AM) cah1470: it was my mistake and I do have money in my savings account
(9:40:16 AM) cah1470: that is really the biggest point of it really
(9:40:20 AM) Marguaritte: but if you ever need lunch or something, I don't mind buying a friend lunch or giving her gas money
(9:40:25 AM) cah1470: I am going to pay $105 for negligence
(9:40:30 AM) cah1470: not because I didn't have the money
(9:40:40 AM) Marguaritte: it's been the foundation of my friendship w/ Daf for years. ;)
(9:40:45 AM) cah1470: :) lol
(9:41:11 AM) Marguaritte: I'm serious though
(9:42:03 AM) cah1470: yeah I know
(9:42:13 AM) cah1470: honestly I have money to make it until payday
(9:42:25 AM) cah1470: all the purchases cleared
(9:42:34 AM) cah1470: my frustration is in paying $105 for neglect
(9:42:41 AM) cah1470: I don't have money to make mistakes like that
(9:43:16 AM) cah1470: all the money I saved at value city to have a bag full of stuff for $18.95 is blown because I paid $35 in fees for the charge
(9:43:16 AM) Marguaritte: yeah, I understand
(9:43:41 AM) cah1470: it's days like today that make me hate Malfoy even more
(9:43:48 AM) cah1470: she is already in Lee's office complaining
(9:44:07 AM) cah1470: according to Jon her dad gives her more than $10,000 a year in help
(9:44:28 AM) cah1470: she doesn't have anything really to be unhappy about and yet she whines
(9:44:35 AM) cah1470: constantly
(9:44:40 AM) cah1470: I want to be like
(9:44:45 AM) cah1470: hey switch with me for a day
(9:44:57 AM) cah1470: I will show you what you are supposed to bitch and moan about
(9:46:53 AM) cah1470: and I think how is it she can be such a bitch and have everything work out and I can try to be nice at all times and nothing will work out
(9:47:37 AM) Marguaritte: I know, I know
(9:47:45 AM) Marguaritte: you know I know, LOL
(9:47:58 AM) cah1470: yes I do which is why I am on this pity party of mine
(9:48:03 AM) Marguaritte: I feel like I've done the best I can my whole life and it's not good enough
(9:48:04 AM) cah1470: but I will get over it in a few minutes
(9:48:08 AM) Marguaritte: :)
(9:48:17 AM) Marguaritte: well, I'm not much help but you can bitch to me all you want
(9:48:22 AM) Marguaritte: I understand the need
(9:48:24 AM) cah1470: thanks :)
(9:48:30 AM) Marguaritte: but, hey, bright side, Newsletter's done
(9:48:44 AM) Marguaritte: sending it off for approval
(9:49:31 AM) cah1470: yay!
(9:49:45 AM) Marguaritte: yup
(9:49:49 AM) cah1470: you would think at my age I would know better though...I know things aren't fair
(9:49:49 AM) Marguaritte: sent off
(9:50:00 AM) cah1470: I don't know why I am still raging about it at this late date
(9:50:04 AM) Marguaritte: that doesn't change the fact that it sucks
(9:50:31 AM) cah1470: yeah I guess that is it in a nutshell
(9:50:39 AM) cah1470: I know it's fact but I hate it
(9:50:39 AM) Marguaritte: :)
(9:50:44 AM) Marguaritte: exactly

HNT-36

Typically I won't bring attention to my body parts. I probably wouldn't notice if someone paid attention anyway. But a co-worker made a comment on Monday about how she hates talking to another co-worker because he never gives her eye contact, he is always staring at her breasts. And it dawned on me I don't have that problem. I will admit I don't have big breasts and for the most part I dress conservatively but I have a couple of tops that bring my breasts front and center. And it makes me curious...Do I need fake breasts, the kind that could pass for a floatation device? Or double D cups that without a bra hang to my navel? Are those the type of breasts I need in order to get a little inappropriate staring? I am just wondering...

Oh btw Happy HNT.