Dirty Little Secret...

Yes folks it's true I am a Harry Potter Nut I love the books the movies...you name it and I am hooked. I can even be found on a few of the fan fic sites but I never comment for fear I will be caught :)

I ordered the book online to avoid the madness but it has been much too crazy in my world to sit down and read it. Everyday when I come home and see the book on my nightstand I get annoyed. I haven't been on eljay much either trying to avoid spoilers. But this weekend I am going to read it no matter what ;)

What is the big deal?

What is the big deal was a common question of mine when I was a kid/teenager. And it drove my mom crazy every time I asked her. But I couldn't figure out why everything had to be so serious all the time. It was one of the things I hated about mom's church and the Christian life as it was presented to me then. Every action, every decision was life or death. Things that my friends would do mistakes they would make for me were eternal life decisions. No 12 year old wants to worry about burning in hell if they wear a mini skirt to school. Or at least I didn't...

One of the things that drives me crazy with Corey is the rules... structure...regimen. EVERYTHING is a big deal with him. When we eat, when we don't, where we go, how many people are there, which direction did I take when we go somewhere. What is he wearing? And sometimes I just want to scream WHAT IS THE BIG DEAL! Some days I just want to leave the house without fulfilling the laundry list of things I have to in order to go without a meltdown. Some days I want to stay home and watch movies all day on a rainy Sunday afternoon. Some days I want to stay in bed until 10:00. But I can't do any of those things without paying a very high price and some days it does drive me crazy.

This week was one of those "what is the big deal weeks." Corey didn't want to stay with V probably partly because of the weeks he spent with her while I was wearing the cast. But I also think it is because I am more accommodating to his whims than the day support people are or even V is. Partly because I am his mom and I want him to be as happy and comfortable as he can be. But the other reason is out of necessity. I really can't afford Corey's meltdowns...financially or emotionally. I find I will do most anything to prevent them. But I don't think I am going to find a day support staff or AFL person who is willing to do the same. I keep hoping with medication, his new classroom, and redirection he will learn to accept it can't always go the way he wants when he wants. And then I will think of that scene in the movie "Rain Man" Tom Cruise's character is in a phone booth and he is trying to figure out how to get to California with his autistic brother who is not going to be accommodating. The entire time he is on the phone Raymond is going on about his underwear from K-mart. Then Tom's character finally loses it and begins screaming as he is pacing down the street "what is the big deal about K-mart underwear...

I can't tell you how many times that has been me screaming running from the phone booth.

HNT-35

Kimba mentioned Fusion bringing her a ring a few weeks back. I have no idea what made me think of that but since I did...This ring is the only yellow gold I own. My mom bought the ring for my 30th birthday despite the fact that I typically don't wear yellow gold and my birthstone is amethyst my mom decided on a ruby ring with yellow gold :) It was a real ruby with flaws and everything. And the setting had glue you could see holding the stone to the prongs by a thread. It was not the most tasteful ring I had ever seen but it was a gift from my mom. And the gift was her in spades...she prefers me in red so she bought a ruby...she prefers yellow gold and could never understand my preference for white so she bought yellow.

A couple of years ago I lost the stone but I couldn't bring myself to get rid of the ring. About a year or so ago I dug the ring out of a drawer and decided to replace the stone with my birthstone and I began wearing it. Still not a lot but every once in awhile I will.

Happy belated HNT...

ENNEGRAM Test

Your Score: 5 - the Observer

you chose BZ - your Enneagram type is FIVE (aka "The Thinker").

"I need to understand the world"

Observers have a need for knowledge and are introverted, curious, analytical, and insightful.

How to Get Along with Me

• Be independent, not clingy.
  
• Speak in a straightforward and brief manner.
  
• I need time alone to process my feelings and thoughts.
  
• Remember that If I seem aloof, distant, or arrogant, it may be that I am feeling uncomfortable.
  
• Make me feel welcome, but not too intensely, or I might doubt your sincerity.
  
• If I become irritated when I have to repeat things, it may be because it was such an effort to get my thoughts out in the first place.
  
• don't come on like a bulldozer.
  
• Help me to avoid my pet peeves: big parties, other people's loud music, overdone emotions, and intrusions on my privacy.

What I Like About Being a FIVE

• standing back and viewing life objectively
  
• coming to a thorough understanding; perceiving causes and effects
  
• my sense of integrity: doing what I think is right and not being influenced by social pressure
  
• not being caught up in material possessions and status
  
• being calm in a crisis

What's Hard About Being a FIVE

• being slow to put my knowledge and insights out in the world
  
• feeling bad when I act defensive or like a know-it-all
  
• being pressured to be with people when I don't want to be
  
• watching others with better social skills, but less intelligence or technical skill, do better professionally

FIVEs as Children Often

• spend a lot of time alone reading, making collections, and so on
  
• have a few special friends rather than many
  
• are very bright and curious and do well in school
  
• have independent minds and often question their parents and teachers
  
• watch events from a detached point of view, gathering information
  
• assume a poker face in order not to look afraid
  
• are sensitive; avoid interpersonal conflict
  
• feel intruded upon and controlled and/or ignored and neglected

FIVEs as Parents

• are often kind, perceptive, and devoted
  
• are sometimes authoritarian and demanding
  
• may expect more intellectual achievement than is developmentally appropriate
  
• may be intolerant of their children expressing strong emotions
  

Renee Baron & Elizabeth Wagele

The Enneagram Made Easy
Discover the 9 Types of People
Harper SanFrancisco, 1994, 161 pages

No Problems...

Well for once I don't have anything to complain about :) Corey was accepted into the new after school and so far it has been a smooth transition. Corey has been in the autistic community since he was 3 so we typically find at least one person who knows him or knows someone who has worked with him. And this new facility is no exception which is a very good thing.

Corey has been calm and very easy to live with the last couple of weeks. He hasn't been hitting the walls or me :) He has been sleeping fairly well but more importantly when he is awake he is watching television or playing quietly in his room. My mom took Cam and my nephew to a water park/amusement park for the weekend. They left Friday afternoon and they are coming back sometime today. Usually Corey will flip if he doesn't see Cam at home. He is nobody's dummy and he knows Cam is typically out doing something fun while he is left at home. But this weekend not a peep...He didn't ask for Cam one time. He seemed so happy to be at home just me and him. I even made a quick dash to the mall on Saturday without a meltdown...

HNT-34

Is it HNT again? I swear Thursdays roll around so quickly. This is a kind of boring pic. Just me during lunch the other day in my pink sun glasses and my favorite $3 top...

Happy HNT.

Tangled...

When I drove into the parking lot of the potential summer camp/after school for Corey I ran into the executive assistant. She was taking a roll away cooler out of her car. The students had just returned from Ray's Splash Planet a water park in town. She gave me a very warm smile...I should insert here that I probably get warm and friendly about 35% of the time. Most of the people I encounter are worn out...worn out parents, worn out teachers and staff, and disconnected administrators. Who just want to follow the rules and regulations set forth with little interaction with the students none if they can manage it. So I was immediately put at ease by the executive assistant's warm and friendly greeting. I introduced myself and told her I was there for my son Corey. Then her smile grew bigger..."oh I knew the child's name they didn't tell me the parents name..." we walked into the school and then I heard V exclaim. It turns out she knows the executive assistant they are good friends and have been since their school years. This is looking good so far. I met the director and my case manager arrived. Corey was tired so he was very low key. I almost wish he was wound up so they could get some idea of what he can be like but...We talked, they gave us a tour, and the director said "of course we have room for Corey...we wouldn't think of turning him down."

So why am I tangled? Well 1st off they were given a year contract with the school system to provide after school for the special needs students at Corey's new school. And the school system has decided not to renew their contract. My case manager says it's because they are a faith based program and because they didn't want to be confined to the one room the school allotted for them. They thought being in the special needs school would mean they could finally branch out and do more activities with the students. I am all for that so I can appreciate the split...BUT the autistic society is going to open some type of after school in their place. During our meeting the director had no problem making her issue with the school system and the autistic society known. Everyone reading this blog knows I have had my share of issues with them too but the one thing I try not to do is boil it all down to race. Make no mistake race is a part of the issue. Corey is big and he can be aggressive but part of the fear and the unease comes from his race without question. It's a simple fact one that I am aware of and live with so I don't see any need to bash people over the head with it. Besides people are uncomfortable with anything outside of the norm...this is also a fact. So a lot of the prejudices I deal with are also because of Corey's disability not his race. The meeting and what the director said was not a big deal in itself...but I did feel a little like the director said "don't worry I speak jive" and took an approach I am not comfortable with in the process. And it also kind of bothered me the assumption because I am black, I have been vocal, I am a big advocate for Corey, and because I don't mind going toe to toe with the school system I would automatically side with them. It never occurred to V or my case manager I might want to look into the program the autistic society will run at the beginning of the school year. The 2nd issue which is a little more surprising for me was the religious talk. I grew up in the church and I am surrounded by it. V has never had a conversation with me that didn't involve leaving it to the Lord, asking the Lord, trusting in the Lord and so on. And frankly because she is around the same age as my mom and she talks religious like my mom I never give it a 2nd thought. But when the director and her staff kept doing it for some reason it filled me with unease....That's the word! The word this tangled post has been looking for, the word is UNEASE. They were very nice, they have a good facility, they have plenty of staff, ok I am being silly now and I am watering down very good news...

The bottom line...the interview went well. They have a competent staff with plenty of male personnel who can provide one on one. They can also provide transportation when Corey is not in school. They are very active with several activities and field trips planned throughout the rest of the summer. And they have actual daycare hours so V and I can go to work without making additional arrangements to fill in for the extra hour in the morning and in the evening. But I think I should add V did send me an email afterwards which began with "if this place is for real it could be the answer to our prayers" and she said it all in that sentence...I guess you could say I am relieved but also cautiously optimistic.

Problems part 2...

Well Corey was booted out of after school on Wednesday. I was very upset and concerned but after a couple of days I feel better about things. The after school is going to close in a few weeks anyway and the bottom line is they didn't want Corey there. I am sure it wasn't a good situation for him and I need to find a new spot anyway. Corey's case manager has a line on a potential place. She is going to meet with them on Tuesday and if all goes well I will meet with them later next week. It would be great to have a few weeks for Corey to get acclimated to the new after school before school begins. It would be very helpful if he doesn't have a new school and after school to deal with at the same time. I also received my letter from Corey's new school. His teacher will be someone we know...he was Corey's teacher during the summer a few times. It eases my mind a bit having someone he knows and also a male. His teacher is also someone who has been teaching in an autistic classroom for more than 10 years. In the meantime V and I are taking turns keeping Corey...both of us have jobs to deal with so the situation isn't ideal. But at least I have V to share this burden with. In the past I have taken a leave of absence or used all my PTO when things like this happened.

Problems...

Finding after school for Corey...huge problem. I knew before I started that there weren't any other providers for developmental day but knowing it and living with it are two entirely different things. I have a little more than a month before Corey starts his new school. And I don't have any idea what I am going to do with him after school ends @3:00. But that is not the problem I want to write about tonight.

Cam is hurting because his dad is an ass...very big problem. Cam cried Sunday night because he hasn't heard from his dad in 3 weeks. It all came to a head because I took them to get their haircut on Saturday for the 1st time. But this problem has been brewing for quite awhile. I made the decision to stop allowing hubby to use the boys to engage me. I made the decision to stop crawling for him to pay them attention. I made the decision to accept he isn't going to choose to be there for them if he can't be with me. And in making it I have made the decision to allow the hurt I have been avoiding for my son's sake for a long time. But that isn't the problem I want to write about either.

No...
With 2 closets filled you might think more room is the problem. Or the 2 closets with shoes packed front back and sideways; too many to capture in my quick snapshot is my problem. But...well it might be a small problem ;) But the real issue is my ankle. You see out of all of these boxes with the exception of my sneakers I don't own a pair of flats. All of my sandals, pumps, clogs, even the slides have heels. In most cases very high heels. And right now they are not a friend to my ankle. So I have decided there is only one thing to do to fix this issue....




I need to go shopping and find some flats :)

Saturday Snapshot...

We had the best dinner here...I must admit to stealing T's pic she does a very good impersonation of a Japanese tourist. I am sure she took twice as many pictures. Anyway this restaurant aside from providing the best 5 course french meal I ever had. Hell the best meal I have ever had...also has a very prestigious wall of fame. But I must admit I wasn't impressed by which actor or football player ate there. Who cares when you are eating beef bisque that melts in your mouth? I was much more impressed with the 300 year old mirror from Paris. But hey I am a dork I never denied this.

The 4th...

I had a pretty good holiday. Tuesday is one of the weeknights Corey spends with V. We decided to stick with the schedule because Corey had such a meltdown when I was in New Orleans. A meltdown that could be measured on the Richter scale I think. So we wanted to keep things as normal as possible this week. It never even occurred to me that after 3 months away from home Corey would not appreciate me leaving town, even for a short period of time. Anyway with Corey at V's I decided to take Cam to see the Transformers movie (awful), yeah the movie was awful. I swear do you have to turn off your brain completely to watch television or movies these days? I hate to sound like a snob but good grief pretty soon our kids will be eating the seats at the rate we are going. Cam wasn't impressed, he likes the cartoon but it didn't translate I guess. But he loved going to a movie in peace just me and him. And speaking of eating the seats when did everybody become so damn rude???? When T and I were leaving the concert we had not 1, not 2, but at least 10 guys almost knock us down to get to their cars. What happened to trying to get my phone number fellas now you are so stressed to get out of the parking lot you would trample a girl before you would try to talk to her I think. Then we had the brats at the movie theatre talking, mom has to answer every question asked in her normal speaking voice because we just have to be seen don't we? And then the fireworks. I love them let me state that for the record. I love fireworks...we go see them downtown every year and when I get home I watch them again on PBS without fail. But my neighbor took it to the extreme. I thought he was going to set my back yard on fire and after about 1:30 in the morning I had lost my sense of humor. Joey hid in the bushes for most of the day because they started firing them at about 8:00 in the morning. By the time we got back from the fireworks downtown I thought the poor dog was going to have a nervous breakdown. Not to mention Corey who really hates all the commotion. So finally @1:30 I went over...did I mention it was 1:30 in the morning? I asked in the calmest most polite tone of voice I could find umm hello 1:30...And asked them if they could kill the fireworks, firecrackers, bottle rockets, cannons, yelling, screaming kids, music, screaming adults...of course all this was condensed to one single word "ruckus" Excuse me it's late and I have to go to work in a few hours could you kill the ruckus???? I love southern dialect makes life simple. So what does my neighbor say? A very stately Japanese fellow with 2 beautiful daughters his wife and mother. They have at least 2 cookouts every month in the summer with the cars going all the way down the street and I have never...EVER knocked on his door and complained. But this morning I had an upset 15 year old and a shaking puppy, it was 1:30 in the morning, and I had to go to work (unfortunately). He said "this is my property I can make as much noise as I want!" Really? Oh REALLY? So yeah I called the police. It has finally happened, sigh. I am not cool, I am not with the in crowd, I am officially my grandmother...I called the police on my neighbor. It's illegal to have fireworks...and dumb to have them in our neighborhood with all the old trees, not to mention the drought we have been in.

But overall the holiday was great :)

I am not surprised...

I stole this test from Oblivion and Fusion I can't say I am surprised by the results...I am sort of a plain Jane but I have my moments. I am back from the big easy and I had a great time but today I am too tired to write about it. Maybe tomorrow.

You Are 52% Pure

You're usually the typical girl or guy next door... But you also have a secret naughty side!

How Pure Are You?