What is the big deal?
What is the big deal was a common question of mine when I was a kid/teenager. And it drove my mom crazy every time I asked her. But I couldn't figure out why everything had to be so serious all the time. It was one of the things I hated about mom's church and the Christian life as it was presented to me then. Every action, every decision was life or death. Things that my friends would do mistakes they would make for me were eternal life decisions. No 12 year old wants to worry about burning in hell if they wear a mini skirt to school. Or at least I didn't...
One of the things that drives me crazy with Corey is the rules... structure...regimen. EVERYTHING is a big deal with him. When we eat, when we don't, where we go, how many people are there, which direction did I take when we go somewhere. What is he wearing? And sometimes I just want to scream WHAT IS THE BIG DEAL! Some days I just want to leave the house without fulfilling the laundry list of things I have to in order to go without a meltdown. Some days I want to stay home and watch movies all day on a rainy Sunday afternoon. Some days I want to stay in bed until 10:00. But I can't do any of those things without paying a very high price and some days it does drive me crazy.
This week was one of those "what is the big deal weeks." Corey didn't want to stay with V probably partly because of the weeks he spent with her while I was wearing the cast. But I also think it is because I am more accommodating to his whims than the day support people are or even V is. Partly because I am his mom and I want him to be as happy and comfortable as he can be. But the other reason is out of necessity. I really can't afford Corey's meltdowns...financially or emotionally. I find I will do most anything to prevent them. But I don't think I am going to find a day support staff or AFL person who is willing to do the same. I keep hoping with medication, his new classroom, and redirection he will learn to accept it can't always go the way he wants when he wants. And then I will think of that scene in the movie "Rain Man" Tom Cruise's character is in a phone booth and he is trying to figure out how to get to California with his autistic brother who is not going to be accommodating. The entire time he is on the phone Raymond is going on about his underwear from K-mart. Then Tom's character finally loses it and begins screaming as he is pacing down the street "what is the big deal about K-mart underwear...
I can't tell you how many times that has been me screaming running from the phone booth.
One of the things that drives me crazy with Corey is the rules... structure...regimen. EVERYTHING is a big deal with him. When we eat, when we don't, where we go, how many people are there, which direction did I take when we go somewhere. What is he wearing? And sometimes I just want to scream WHAT IS THE BIG DEAL! Some days I just want to leave the house without fulfilling the laundry list of things I have to in order to go without a meltdown. Some days I want to stay home and watch movies all day on a rainy Sunday afternoon. Some days I want to stay in bed until 10:00. But I can't do any of those things without paying a very high price and some days it does drive me crazy.
This week was one of those "what is the big deal weeks." Corey didn't want to stay with V probably partly because of the weeks he spent with her while I was wearing the cast. But I also think it is because I am more accommodating to his whims than the day support people are or even V is. Partly because I am his mom and I want him to be as happy and comfortable as he can be. But the other reason is out of necessity. I really can't afford Corey's meltdowns...financially or emotionally. I find I will do most anything to prevent them. But I don't think I am going to find a day support staff or AFL person who is willing to do the same. I keep hoping with medication, his new classroom, and redirection he will learn to accept it can't always go the way he wants when he wants. And then I will think of that scene in the movie "Rain Man" Tom Cruise's character is in a phone booth and he is trying to figure out how to get to California with his autistic brother who is not going to be accommodating. The entire time he is on the phone Raymond is going on about his underwear from K-mart. Then Tom's character finally loses it and begins screaming as he is pacing down the street "what is the big deal about K-mart underwear...
I can't tell you how many times that has been me screaming running from the phone booth.
Labels: autism, corey, family, reflecting
posted by Cat at
8:53 PM
7 Comments:
I don't deal with this to the same extent i don't think, but when S. gets on a jag about bandaids, or socks, or the fat kitten i want to scream "for godssake get over it, move on!" But i never do. But we do go through a lot of bandaids...
hugs and hugs sent your way sweetie.
I can only imagine..
Maybe it's an opportunity for you to call Tom and say.. 'can we get together and talk about the k-mart scene?'
loving you up from over here honey .. xx
I can only imagine how that must be. for what it is worth i think that it appears that you are doing a remarkable job at keeping both your sanity and a sense of humor through everything and honestly admire you for that.
What FL said Cat, you are a remarkable woman and mom. Where you get the strength is beyond me!
Same problem here with Katie and I know how you feel. It would be so nice to live without the rigid structure that we have put in place for Katie. But a part of me has become used to that structure and I think I rely on it as well.
As for behavior, we upped Katie's risperidone because she was so stressed out and anxious this summer and was going to respite for two weeks. We also go some Ativan for her. They only used the Ativan for the first three days and now she's a happy camper, even laughing and eating. Eating is a big deal for her, it's the one thing she can control and when she's unhappy, she doesn't eat. We only increased the risperidone by .25mg but it's helped a lot.
Good luck sweetie. And where is your son's father in all this. Why doesn't he pitch in?
Deb-their dad has checked out like I always knew he would. But even though I always knew it and did all I could to avoid it. I just wound up prolonging the inevitable and now I wonder if my boys especially Cam aren't more hurt by it than they would have been before. He doesn't want to be a dad just to be a dad. He only wants to be a dad if he can be my husband. They go hand in hand in his mind and if he can't be with me he isn't going to be with them.
I can only slightly grasp what you go through. When my lil boy was younger he had major meltdowns and I would do anything to avoid them.
They weren't to the extent that you deal with.
Your strength really does amaze me.
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