Six Weeks...
It has been six weeks since the fateful ankle incident. Hopefully I am only two weeks away from having the boot removed. Mr. Corey is still splitting his time between his dad and our care provider. I think I may have done more harm than good when I went to Special Olympics. It just made him even more upset to spend the day with me and not come home. Something I should have thought of. He has been acting up in school just as much if not more. And this week it finally came to a head with him striking the vice principal. After 5 years of fighting to keep him in an inclusion classroom I am forced to reconsider. Next year his current teacher is moving out of the exceptional children department and into a regular classroom. With Corey already over stimulated most days a new teacher will probably be the straw that breaks the camel's back. So I have decided to allow him to be moved to the Special Needs school. There are many benefits to this move the 1st being the staff's ability to handle his meltdowns. The biggest risk and my fear is Corey picking up behaviors from the most severe students in the autistic population. God forbid my child pick up head banging for example. But at this point it is either move him and hopefully find a way to quell the aggressive behaviors or have him kicked out entirely. I am hoping/praying that after a year he will have improved enough to move back to the au classroom.
My ankle is feeling better I don't gasp if I mistakenly put weight on it the way I did in the beginning. The boot is bigger and harder to drive with than the cast believe it or not. But that is the only complaint I have with it. Cam and I are having the best time together without Corey I am both happy and sad to report. The happiness and calmness I see in him is hard to watch. I am really going to dread telling him that his brother will be home soon. How do you tell a 10 year old something like that? He has been sleeping late on Saturday for the 1st time in his entire life. Going to family gatherings and out in general without drama for the 1st time in almost two years.
Corey's care provider called to catch me up on things she said he had a really tough night. I told her this is the way he has been almost every weekend for months now. And she asked me how I dealt with it?...The truth is I wasn't dealing with it I had curled into a ball and I was just enduring it. I couldn't figure out a way to make it better so I was just enduring it. When Corey jumped on my back and I heard my ankle pop I just curled into a ball. I couldn't get him off he was too heavy and I wasn't willing to do anything violent to him to get him off. It was in that moment that I realized I was willing to sacrifice myself, my safety, and ultimately Cam's safety to keep Corey and to protect him. And I realize now I can't do that it isn't helpful to him. If nothing else came from my ankle the realization I can't just "endure" did. It isn't a choice to figure this out it's a necessity. It is not safe for Corey to be so aggressive and it's not healthy for Cam to live with this. And I am not doing him any favors by enduring it.
My ankle is feeling better I don't gasp if I mistakenly put weight on it the way I did in the beginning. The boot is bigger and harder to drive with than the cast believe it or not. But that is the only complaint I have with it. Cam and I are having the best time together without Corey I am both happy and sad to report. The happiness and calmness I see in him is hard to watch. I am really going to dread telling him that his brother will be home soon. How do you tell a 10 year old something like that? He has been sleeping late on Saturday for the 1st time in his entire life. Going to family gatherings and out in general without drama for the 1st time in almost two years.
Corey's care provider called to catch me up on things she said he had a really tough night. I told her this is the way he has been almost every weekend for months now. And she asked me how I dealt with it?...The truth is I wasn't dealing with it I had curled into a ball and I was just enduring it. I couldn't figure out a way to make it better so I was just enduring it. When Corey jumped on my back and I heard my ankle pop I just curled into a ball. I couldn't get him off he was too heavy and I wasn't willing to do anything violent to him to get him off. It was in that moment that I realized I was willing to sacrifice myself, my safety, and ultimately Cam's safety to keep Corey and to protect him. And I realize now I can't do that it isn't helpful to him. If nothing else came from my ankle the realization I can't just "endure" did. It isn't a choice to figure this out it's a necessity. It is not safe for Corey to be so aggressive and it's not healthy for Cam to live with this. And I am not doing him any favors by enduring it.
Labels: autism, corey, parenting, reflecting
posted by Cat at
10:17 PM
12 Comments:
Wow Cat, that is heavy stuff to realize...good luck. I'm somewhat relieved on this end, and I hope you're at peace with things.
You've been doing a huge amount of thinking on this and i think you've come to a lot of really important conclusions. I think the school move will be a good one, even with the potential for picking up new behaviors. (would he do that you think? see someone else acting a certain way and imitate?)It may end up being a good environment that helps lessen the aggression. Who knows. You've been doing so much for so long; i hope you can find support and strategies to keep on keepin on.
hugs, etc. :)
I agree Cat, it's a good choice for you and both your kids. Hopefully Corey will benifit from the help the new school can provide.
I am also relieved by your decision. Hang in there!
Nothing to add that hasn't been said already. I imagine it is difficult to resign yourself to something when you've worked so hard and for so long, but I imagine (hope) that there is a bit of peace that comes along with it, too.
Thoughts and prayers...
I want to tell you how much I admire your courage and strength. You have had to make choice and face struggles that i cannot even imagine. My best thoughts and wishes to you.
Cat, I wish I could give you a hug.
Those are some huge realizations that you've come to.
Just know we're all thinking of you :)
Ob
Some very difficult thoughts and decisions ... you're stronger than I am Cat. Be proud of what you have accomplished and what you will accomplish in the future.
A special needs school might be the best thing for him, especially if his teacher is leaving. The teachers and aides would have experience dealing with autistic kids and the classroom would be set up for autistic kids.
Have you ever tried medication to deal with his agression? We started Katie on Risperidone four years ago when she became very agressive, hurting me and others around her.
Myabe the ankle breaking was a good thing. Made you realize that things have to change.
I know how you feel and I know there are no good answers. I'm sending you a hug.
lbp, serenity, fusion, and fadkog-I didn't think I would but I do feel a sense of peace having made a decision. Right or wrong at least the question of "what next" has been put to rest.
FL, Ob, George-thanks guys...writing it out and getting your feedback is very helpful to me. I appreciate your hugs and suppport.
Deb-corey has been in a self contained autistic classroom up to this point. There are typically 6-8 students with a teacher and 1-2 assistants. They do most things in their classroom but their classroom is in a regular high school. In elementary and middle school the activity wasn't quite as high and corey was able to eat in the lunch room and participate in gym with the other students. Last year he moved to high school and that is when the usual troubles moved from worrisome to impossible. The new school only has the special needs population everything from deaf children to autism. I believe there are 4 autistic classrooms to the typical 2 inclusion classrooms.
The past couple of years have been the most difficult and also when redirection no longer worked. At that point Corey was prescribed prolixin (still don't know why) and after many battles and finally a move to a new physician we all agreed it wasn't working. Last month the new physician prescribed respidal which we are trying to find the right dose for and hoping with held breath will help with the aggressive and destructive behavior.
I am doing a challenge on my blog today Cat. I thought I already left a message here. Oh well here it goes, check out my blog for details.
You are an inspiration as a mom and teach me much about my own skills as a dad. Thank you.
My heart continues to go out to you Cat and to your family. Difficult times often call for difficult decisions, but you continue to do what you feel is the best for him and that is the most that anyone could ever ask for. Keep the courage.
Hopefully the respidal works, I think it's the same as risperidone.
It's too bad about the school. Katie is in a mainstream highschool and contained within that school they have three segregated classrooms. They have reverse integration, regular kids volunteer to come into the classrooms. It's very structured which helps Katie and she's allowed to take her time to get involved, months if necessary.
Good luck, I think of you often.
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